While we had hoped to remain in hiding at an undisclosed location until after the upcoming special "bleed us dry" session of the Maryland General Assembly. More on the tax, tax, slot, slot, fizz, fizz session later, two news stories today simply begged for a Connections post.
Red Dawn with a Gobble
The Boston Globe reported today that flocks of wild turkeys are terrorizing Brookline, Mass.
"The turkey eyed Jean-Felix. Jean-Felix eyed the turkey. It gobbled. She gasped. Then the turkey proceeded to follow the Dorchester woman over the Green Line train tracks, across the street, through traffic, and all the way down the block, pecking at her backside as she went."
Wild turkey's are not strangers to Laurel. (No, not the 80 proof kind.) The Laurel Leader reported last April on an incident that city officials then considered a fluke ... but now we know it was a clever poultry reconnaissance mission. Before we are gobbled and pecked into submission we must prepare.
I recommend that our police officers and firefighters be issued shotguns. Billy Miles' freezers at the Meat Market should be readied as cold storage. (Thanksgiving is only 4 weeks away!) And because I'm sure that all our officials will want to help, we should issue turkey calls to all city, county and state elected representatives. N.B. Citizens are advised to avoid locations where shotgun toting fire fighters and turkey calling elected officials are known to congregate.
Smile, You Are on My Radar Sucker - Revenge of the Moms
Speeding was my most common complaint as city council member. Neighbors want the police to strictly enforce the 25 mph speed limit. Small police agencies can't be everywhere. A story reported in USA Today described a win-win solution to the problem.
Police departments across the country are loaning residents radar guns and turning them into neighborhood speed watchers. The volunteers radar gunslingers can't ticket the drivers but their reports can result in warning letters.
Laurel has used the "Drive 25" signs for quite awhile. Traffic calming experiments are now underway on a couple of streets. But talk to most mothers in Oldtown and you will get an earful about speeding on Fourth, Fifth and Montgomery Streets.
I say let's arm them with the technology they need. Give them a radar gun, a digital camera and a lawn chair and we'll have the speeding problem cleaned up before the ice melts at the corner lemonade stand . "Do you feel lucky, speeder?"